well today is the first day of new life and am going to kill myself to make it work...i have failed so many things and people and go some serious wake up calls over the last 24 hours and was bitch slapped by some folks who i wish had spoken up earlier...it may not have worked before....sometimes u have to loose something precious to wake u up...and that has happened....i lost my best friend and the one person in the world who has stuck by me through oh so much....the sad thing is because of me i hurt him and loosing him has devistated my children....but i am going to change and this will not happen again...i will learn to laugh again somehow!